My mate Jake (not his real name because I’m about to dish a starter-sized portion of dirt on him) is a single guy who does not like to cook. Jake employs the services of a sort of posh Mister Delivery outfit. Every 24 hours, a cooler bag is delivered to the doorstep of Jake. Inside this bag is a day’s supply of home-cooked meals and snacks, all individually packed in dinky little Tupperware thingies. This daily meal delivery has been going on for years, and Jake likes it this way, but I’ve got to say I don’t get it, and I’ve told him so.
I was like: ”Dude, this is crazy. You’re letting someone else decide what goes into you, every day.”
He was like: “Yeah, I know.”
And I was like: ”That’s retarded.”
And he was like: “No, it’s convenient. I don’t like thinking about what’s for lunch. Or dinner. Or snacky-poos.”
And I was like: ”Why don’t you also pay someone to come and brush your teeth for you every day, and pick out your clothes every morning?”
And he was like: ”That would be so flippen awesome.”
And I was like: ”Yes, if you’re two.”
And then we stopped talking like American teenagers.
But recently I realised that I can’t really point fingers at Jake; I’m a bit like him, because I like having my books read to me. Jake gets spoon-fed, I get spoon-read.
I listen to audio books.
Audio books have huge benefits and are things of great wonder and convenience. You can listen to them while you’re driving or at gym, or while you’re quad biking, or even while cooking your own dinner like a grown up, all of which I do fairly regularly.
That’s why that ad up there caught my eye, and irritated the crap out of me.
It’s for Crossword Audio Books, and what we see here is a mouth. No, it’s a book. No, it’s a mouth that looks like a book. No, hang on, it’s a book that looks like a mouth.
It’s one of those visually-punny ads created for the sole purpose of making the creative team feel clever because, see, they figured out that audio books are speaking things and lips are also speaking things, and a book can look like lips if it’s made of reddish plasticine and then you put it on a shiny reflective surface and you squint your eyes a little bit.
This nonsense has been going on for too long, and most of us are getting bored, Everyone please stop doing this at once. Why? Because ads like these hardly ever demonstrate a benefit, and ads really do need to do that in some way, or they’re a waste of space, time, breath and spit.
I bet the people who made this ad don’t actually feel real, true love for audio books. I don’t think they’ve ever actually listened to an audio book. I bet they just gave up and settled for this lazy thinking. And I bet they get their meals delivered every morning in a cooler bag full of little Tupperware thingies.